The Doctor and his Solitude
by LonelyGod63
Summary: This is short story I wrote more for tone and introspection than content I wanted to get into the mind of this 1200 year old time lord at one of his darkest hours Story wise it takes place after the pond's departure in "The Angels take Manhattan" No I haven't seen it and just after Season 3 of Torch-wood ended Timey Wimey


The TARDIS doors swung open as The Doctor slowly walked in.

This in itself was indicative of the Doctors mood, for in recent centuries he had taken to snapping his fingers to open the doors when he was in a good mood.

So when the Time Lord walked in with absolutely no sign of his normal childlike energy, it was obvious that he was not going to be in a good mood this evening.

At least it appeared to be evening; the Doctor had taken to setting the TARDIS to dim the lights ever 12 hours to appear to fit to the Earth solar cycle for the companions who lived on the TARDIS.

The Doctor, being a Time Lord, didn't need the same amount of Sleep as his companions did and rarely slept but he found ways to keep busy while the Ponds were asleep. He would enthusiastically go off on adventures with River or go and visit Jack, but it seemed that today he was not going to be so enthusiastic.

The 1265 year old Time Lord, closed the doors behind him and instead of correcting the TARDIS lights he let the darkness stay. He slowly took off his tweed jacket and placed it over the railing. He then unstrapped his suspenders and let them dangle from his waist as he walked over to the control console and flipped the main engine drive without placing a would cause the TARDIS to "surf" through the Time Vortex aimlessly.

The look of devastation on his youthful face did not fit, it was as if someone had transplanted the face of an old war veteran onto the head of twenty-something actor. Of course The Doctor wasn't as young as he appeared and this was one of the days it showed. The toil of age was never more apparent than it was at this moment.

The Doctor then untied his famous bow tie, and let the ends dangle around his slumping shoulders. He moved around the console slowly and methodically as he looked at every lever and switch. He sighed and hit the blue stabilizer button that River had told him about, and switched on the record player. The TARDIS automatically selected an old record that Billy Holiday had given him once, and her soft voice began to sing "Solitude" and the sound reverberated down the halls of the old Type-40. The song was soft and depressing and it touched the Doctor in a way he often tried to ignore, but today's events were too tragic to ignore. He had filled the pool of tears and now it was time to swim; He allowed himself a momentary smirk at the how mellow dramatic that sounded and continued to walk around the dark control room.

He suddenly felt an odd kick from his second heart, and had to lean back against the railing to catch himself from falling. He found more and more that as he got older and used more of his regenerations his own body began to breakdown. He remembered how The Master had looked after his final regeneration. A black decaying body breaking down after being made to die 12 times. It appears even Time Lord bodies can only be pushed so far.

He remembered Romana when she first appeared on the TARDIS full of life only just over 100 and on her first body. She was basically still a teenager at the time in Time Lord terms, and he was over 700 and on his fourth body. He was so young and full of hope, he hoped he could find a happy life, and he had hoped he could save it all. But now he was Old. 1265 was old even for a Time Lord; and he only had 2 more regenerations before even his time would run out.

He walked through the halls of the TARDIS and entered the Pond's old room. He felt a tightening of his hearts and closed the door. He stood holding the door knob with his forehead leaning against the door, and dry tearless sobs threatened to over take the old doctor. He summoned his control and opened the door, he walked in with only one intention. The dresser at the far end of the room had a picture frame with Amelia and Rory Pond laughing on their wedding day, with himself in the background. The Doctor snatched up the photo and quickly exited the room and he then had the TARDIS delete the room.

The Doctor then leaned against the wall and after a moment of weakness which quickly passed, he walked away and placed the photo in cupboard under the control console.

It was moments like these that he wondered why he continued, and how much he still had yet to loose. And if it was worth it?

Suddenly the TARDIS stopped and began free floating, and the Doctor heard the creak of the doors. He turned around, not sure who to expect, but it was no one. The TARDIS had opened the doors on it's own power, so the Doctor immediately leaped over to see where the TARDIS had stopped.

Only to realize to be filled with wonder and hope again, as the TARDIS had stopped in the middle of the Bow Tie Nebula and he behold the beauty and splendor of the Universe which he fought so hard to preserve.

This beautiful nebula was almost like the Universe telling him "Thank You. Thank You, my Doctor." It was in these moments when the Doctor thought that sometimes it was like Universe wanted to be noticed, why almost all life supporting planets produced some form of sentient life. It was because the Universe wanted to know itself, and to appreciate and love itself. The Doctor could fight the smile which exploded on his face at the sight of the nebula, and he leaned against the side of the TARDIS door and said "Thank You"

He suddenly heard the phone ringing and he turned to see the caller id displayed on the scanner.

"Captain Jack Harkness"

He felt a smirk rising up again.


End file.
